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Nov. 7th, 2024 07:27 pm
mindglitter: (writing)
[personal profile] mindglitter

The idea of being inside anymore was more than Nova could stand.

She grabbed her notebook for her poetry and unlatched the window. She paused and made herself latch it back even though that was something she hadn't done in the entire time they had been here in Penwall, but everything was different now, the world made into something she didn't recognize, or knew if she wanted to recognize.

During the party for Sunny, she had started out blending with everyone, until they started talking about the last war, and the decisions that had been made.

Something was wrong, had been wrong for a long time, and the more they talked about it, the more she felt as though she was on the outside looking in, for all they tried to engage her in conversation, make sure she felt welcome.

It even worked for a spell, and then the silence built, and she felt as though she could disappear from the party entirely and nobody would notice. Maybe Ru would have, but there had been an watchfulness to her that reminded Nova of the laughter she sometimes still heard in her nightmares, the thick coating of purple glitter on her favorite black ring she couldn't bear to throw away.

She didn't find it unusual that she felt most at home when she had been spending time with Myko and Senna, though she didn't see any other of their people around. Bard had made a brief appearance and even let her fuss over him a little bit before he was gone, too. The subtle wrongness she had felt since July was no longer at all subtle, but alongside that awareness was another knowledge that there was nothing she could do.

There may have never been anything she could have done.

They all knew why now.

The words that had wrapped themselves around her throat like a choke chain had released on Halloween night. Up until then, it had been almost to intrusive thought levels. The words had been so lovely, too, with the kind of rhyming structure she never saw in her own. That should have been her first indicator that something more was going on since she couldn't rhyme worth shit. But the thought had dug into her need to protect, her deep shame that she would ask that of him, and the words trying to claw their way out of her brain being unleashed into the world had grown so frighteningly close to releasing.

Nova had nearly drawn her own blood keeping them inside when her claws released.

She closed the notebook again when the words still would not come and climbed higher until she was standing on the rampart where she so frequently did her moontime rituals.

As per usual, she let her eyes skim the treetops in the direction of the safe little nook he had taken her all those months ago, to a space she worked hard not to disrupt. It seemed like even when she was wearing her normal clothes, she was too large for any space, every turn knocking things askew. The spinning wheel she'd had that even when she shifted to the balls of her feet to walk on had just toppled over when she was her most careful.

Nova had been extremely poor at making herself small the way she had once done, but there was still that self-consciousness about how much space she took up in the world.

Eventually the meet-ups to build up their defenses would start, and she would be so busy that she wouldn't have to think about anything but making sure Myko was safe. That was her guiding light, the reason she was able to tell him no the first time.

One of us has to protect Myko.

Though right now, there were at least three other Ferals probably better suited for the task than Nova.

Nova leaned back on her hands and stared into the oncoming twilight. The stars looked like fairy lights against the darkening sky, and a lump rose in her throat. After that night, she had been unable to look at the stars the same way again.

He could still change your perspective... all you'd have to do is say yes...

That by itself was why this was always such a dangerous time for her to be isolated. She knew her history, knew the mental stability tended to hit in either the first or second day of the challenge week when they were putting forth those power banks for use later when needed.

The problem was she hadn't felt this alone since childhood, and when she felt alone like this, it was extremely hard to reach out, especially when she knew everybody was busy.

If it wasn't for her House loyalty, her love for Myko, and the other responsibilities that kept her grounded here, she might have slipped out of Penwall into the greater world, off somewhere nobody else would think to look for her. Then she would probably get herself eaten by one of the undead Bard called to his side. Then that would be it.

Nobody would even notice you were gone.

She couldn't entirely blame the whispers of the Nite Monarch for that one. Having the exposure to the family of origin shortly before the War started had been messing with her head far longer than she was willing to admit to herself. It just made the Dragon's laughter louder.

As for Bard? Their words wrapped around her like the fabulous cloak she had seen once when she had gone to visit him.

In this isolation, in this quiet where she felt far distant from everyone in both her own House and the others, Nova stood there in the wind with her arms wrapped around herself and knew that it would never be more easy to turn and tell him, "Yes," than it was right there in that moment.
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